So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
