we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
