finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
We are two peas in an std pod
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
