my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
This gyro tastes like lonliness
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
