I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
