so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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