Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
It's no shave November. This is our time.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
