Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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