i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
