If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
