i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
