I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
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