I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
At least life still wants to fuck me.
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