just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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