It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
