Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
