Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Randomize
