got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
