Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Randomize
