Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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