She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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