Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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