and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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