I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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