his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
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