Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
