The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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