I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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