the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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