i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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