currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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