you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
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