Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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