if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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