i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Michael Bay diarrhea
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
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