i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
