girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Please don't give away my fajitas
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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