i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
