i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Randomize
