Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
