if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
3pm strippers are depressing
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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