ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
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