She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
