oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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