I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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