I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
