If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
