I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
this just has baby written all over it
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
