am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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