I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
