whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
