R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
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