evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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