She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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