Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
