My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
