The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
