is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
