All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
